What do you get when you cross a Jehovah’s Witness and an agnostic?
Someone who knocks on your door, and when you answer, shrugs.

How many Christians does it take to change a lightbulb? 

Amish: What’s a lightbulb?

Baptists: At least 15; One to change the light bulb, and three committees to decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.
Charismatic: Only one; Hands are already in the air.
Episcopalians: Three; One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old light was.
Lutherans: None. Lutherans don’t believe in change.
Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is dull, bright, or completely out, you are loved. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a casserole.
Nazarene: Six; One woman to replace the bulb, and five men to review the church lighting policy.
Pentecostal: Ten; One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians: None; Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
Roman Catholic: None. Only candles are allowed.
Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor or against the need for a light bulb. However, if In your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service. We will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, three-way, fluorescent, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

How does a dyslexic agnostic insomniac spend most of his time?

Staying up all night wondering if there really is a dog.